10% !!!!

...and growing!!!

Strip Dreidel

I know Chanukah/Hanukah/Hannukkah/Chanukkah has since passed, but I figure better late than never!

I only wish I knew of or better yet, thought of this a few years back...

Click on the blog title and just enjoy...

Done.
Peace.


EM

All Because of You (This one's for Corinne)!

So, lemme paint y'all a lil' pictcha as they say in these parts...

As sayeth Sandler: "Hanukah is the festival of lights, instead of one day of presents we get 8 crazy nights"....well kids, this was one of the crazy nights for sure...

I'm walking down the street randomly minding everyone else's business and I see this guys wearing a kippa (yarmulka for you non-Jews, yeah, the beenie lookin' thing we Jews wear on the head - males only) - anyhow, I spot the MOT and notice he's holding a bag of bagels - all excited at the prospect of seeing a "good bagel", for they don't really have them here - the ones they do carry in the UK are plastic-waxy lookin' muthafuckahs and no self-respecting-bagel-eating-Jew in the world, would dare put his lips to such a wretched excuse for a stereotypical national food!

Soooo, I figure the yid knows where to get a good bagel - so I walk up to him, and here's what went down:

Ellie: Excuse me sir,do you mind if I ask you where you found those bagels?

Random dude: Oh, actually they're not bagels, they're challah rolls, but you can get them from this bakery down the street on the LH side - just a few minutes walk down from here...hey, are you 'one of us'?

Ellie: (laughing) - yeah,I'm one of us!! My name is Ellie, nice to meet you, its just that I got so excited at the prospect of seeing a good bagel, y'know how it is..

Random dude: haha, yeah I understand, hey my name is Dan, nice to meet you! Listen you should come over for shabbat dinner, seriously, anytime, what's your number give it to me and I'll call you and invite you for a shabbat dinner...

Ellie: ya sure, that's very nice of you, I actually have plans tonight however...

Dan: no, well, not tonight obviously but y'know any other time is great you're more than welcome that's how it is with us y'know...

Ellie: for sure, well here's the number do be in touch and I'll certainly call you up and take you up on the offer...

We part ways, shaking hands, new Jewish mates just made, and not 30 minutes go by when my phone rings:

Dan: Ellie? Hi, its Daniel the bagel guy...

Ellie: yes, yes of course, (confused) what's up?

Dan: listen, I totally forgot, but I'm having a Chanukah party on Sunday, you must attend, there's going to be a lot of cool people there, it'll be a nice scene, you can light menorah and all in all have a good time...see you Sunday at the address (he gives it to me, and lo and behold its literally, around the corner from me)...7pm!

So, I agree to go, all excited for a party, to meet new people I'm getting dressed as its nearly 7 (actually, slightly past 7 y'all know me...never on time these days) - and my phone rings - its Corinne Mazin!!

She and I have been in touch for a while, as she's traversing Europe - the offer was made for her to come see me anytime - and I was indeed expecting her - only 2 days earlier - never got the call from my hippie lovebird friend, so I figured she's passed me over...well wouldn't ya know it she's in town for like 6 hours, let's hang!!

I agree, but what about the party? I figure I'll make an appearance, find my cue to leave n' voila...so I head over with my bottle of white (momma didn't raise no inhospitable house guest - and no, I didn't take it with me on the way home...subtle reference for those people who know what I'm talkin' about...hahaha, to those who don't...ask someone who knows!), eat some sufganiyot (home-made sugar/jelly doughnut...mmmmm) have a lil' nosh n' I'm outtie...

Here's where this long ass story gets crazier (at least from my point of view)...

I'm riding the tube down to meet Ms. Mazin - its a good 40 minute journey, I'm on the 1st of 2 trains (the longer bit), and a few stops in these two girls get on the car...they sit across from me, as I'm listening to my IPhone-IPod - I check 'em out...cute, one's taller than the other - Jewdar...working....scrambled signal (given the background noise and rash of excitement on the tube) - I think....could it be....one of them (the taller one) is a fellow yid...and...do I detect a hint of non-UK accent???

I sneakily pause the music on the earbuds (gotta love iphone) and feign boredom as I listen in on the conversation they're having...turns out not only am I right about their religious/cultural identity, but the tall one's indeed from N.America... I go back to my music (they're talking about the other one's boyfriend...so naturally I tune out).

Then...I sense drama, so I pause again (ever the curious mofo I am), and listen in...lo and behold the tall one's single...talking about how she just hasn't met the "right guy"... fellas...the lights are flashing in my mind...and the heartbeat's pickin' up a few beats...

I take off the ear buds, put 'em away (there's plenty of train time for 'em anyways), and just casually sit n' listen while not listening...y'know how it is...

Then - JACKPOT - confirmation is made - they're talking about my good friend of a website - JDate. Now, its no secret that I'm a member and that it has/hasn't worked for me in the past...anyhow, cutie's talkin' about how she's not on it, and that while she recognizes that its becoming increasingly socially acceptable to meet someone online, she's just kinda hesitant b/c she wants to have a "cool story" and not have to make one up about how she met someone...y'know the standard protocol for Jews who've met on JDate is to not acutally admit they met on JDate - rather they have to "create" a situation - oh I met through a friend, we were at a club...etc...and this turns out to be a half-truth b/c given the small and ridiculously close nature of the Jewish community - we'll probably know each other's friends anyhow, or have gone to the same club/pub whatever in our lifetimes...

So...back to the tale - I start smiling like a baffoon, just can't help myself, I TOTALLY know what this girl's talking about, and there I sit, with each passing tube stop rolling along thinking..."do I talk to her??" "C'mon man...talk to her, say something, this is opporunity knocking...OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!!!"

ELLIE: excuse me, sorry, I don't mean to listen in on your conversation, but I couldn't help but notice you two were talking about JDate...

CUTIE'S FRIEND: huh, yeah we're at this tube stop, next one's....oh sorry what did you say??

ELLIE: I said, I couldn't help but overhear the conversation, I completely know what you mean about JDate, I'm on it myself and its been interesting... I turn to Cutie and add "You want a cool story right? Well, here's your story...My name is Ellie, what's yours???" I hold out my hand for the standard handshake on a tube greeting....

CUTIE: (semi-blushing, reaching out her hand) - Name's Lauren - nice to meet you too...

ELLIE: (to Lauren) - a pleasure indeed, (to her friend) - and you? What's your name?

FRIEND: Michelle!

Suddenly, Lauren gets up "this is my stop" she says to Michelle - So I'm sitting there, semi-stunned, semi-frozen from fear...

ELLIE: Seriously, you're leaving? Now?? How do I get to know you better and continue this story??

LAUREN: (blushing and smiling, turns towards her friend Michelle) -well, you have a clue right there!!

Lauren leaves the train at "Angel" tube stop - I shit you not.

I get up, sit next to Michelle and find out about Lauren...now, in the event that this goes any further I'll hold the specifics of the conversation...minus a few details...

ONE: I got complimented by Michelle on "my style" for actually being brave enough to talk to someone randomly like that...ps my heart was racing from excitement, much like it is now as I recount this event...

TWO: No word of a lie - Lauren's from TO. She's studying in London...now, how random is that, may I ask you?? seriously???

So, as my train stop was approaching, I gave Michelle my number, to give to Lauren, and in general for them to call me and hang out - should love not shine her mysterious light on this situation, hopefully we can still hang out and make some kind of connection and complete the hilariously ironic story at hand...

And all of this, was because of you, Corinne Mazin.

Enjoy Slovakia baby!!

PEACE
DONE


Awaiting a phone call....


Ellie

This one's for me...

An indulgence if you please, but I feel like I need to write this one down...it's not really entertaining, nor will it be a rant - no, this is purely from within (where exactly, I'm still struggling to figure out, though perhaps struggle isn't the appropriate word).

Tonight, or rather last night I suppose - my housemate/landlord invited her family and friends over for a Shabbat dinner. I too was invited (kinda hard not to when you live there huh??), and well to be honest it was one of the best moments in my life....let me explain.

I'm not religious, I don't keep kosher, my family never really kept Shabbat - now, I've had moments of enlightenment if you will, throughout my various experiences with the Jewish community - Shabbat in Jerusalem, Shabbat in Montreal, Shabbat in Poland and now Shabbat in London. As you can see, and as I just realized - these moments of (and I know it sounds crap for some) fulfillment or at least inner peace - they've centred around Shabbat.

I've gained some insights during the last few years - I'd argue the last 8 - about life and love and everything in between - I've been a stressed out individual, always feeling as though I'm stuck in a rut - I don't like feeling this way, and I have to tell you that being in London has been stressful - alone, in a foreign land with no family or friends or connections - and yet tonight in an instant, with the saying of the motze, the prayer over the bread and with a kiddish over the wine, followed with a brief singing of Shalom Aleichem - as I found myself at one point leading the choir as it were - I haven't done that in a long time - I kept thinking of my family back home, my friends and myself - and I swear it true - with my eyes watering at the thought of you all, I managed to smile - briefly - because I was at home - yet....not.

Now, I don't want it to sound like one of those cliche moments, where a lost man (I'm not sure I'm even lost, but let's say I'm directionally challenged at times) has found not only his way, but his way to G-d, Allah, Buddah - whomever - but it just felt so warm and true and right.

I'm thinking about this as I'm writing - and I realize its a bit tricky to follow my thought process at times - but I'm writing from the heart and all these thoughts are rushing from my mind to my keyboard - I can't seem to type fast enough or with enough emphasis and passion - but of all the things I've seen and done so far in London- to have had a Shabbat experience surrounded by strangers who welcomed me into their land, their neighbourhood, their home and their family - from all the museums, galleries, sights and sounds, the thought and memory of our singing and laughing and kibbutzing (oy I'm an alte kaker writing this aren't I??), that just goes right at the top of the list!

I honestly say, and hope to fulfill this promise I'm about to make - but when I come home to Toronto, though I don't expect it to be a regular thing (not that there's anything wrong with that), I'm looking forward to a nice Shabbat meal - and you're invited!

Shabbat Shalom!

Peace.

Done.

EM

Cooper's Tae Kwan Do and Amy The Drunken (Yet Sweet) Producer

This one's for Charlie!

So, closing in on a month in London - daily routine consists of heavy tube useage (at least 2 rides per day - thank goodness for the Oyster card), rockin' and swayin' back n' forth on London's rails and on occassion, I see a cutie, a hottie, a yummy mummy whatever...someone that needs a good 'ol fashioned "Hello" or a wink or a smile - if nothing more than as a test of my own courage (read chutzpah) than perhaps, it might land me a few minutes of interesting conversation and should I gather the nerve (and usually I do, only its about two or three tube stops once they've gotten out) - I muster the courage to ask them for a date (so far I'm 0-for...).

In any event tonight was no less a dramatic affair and its now the 2nd most (possibly the most) interesting random conversation I've had thus far with a complete stranger. Charlie - a very beautiful, fashionable and trendy part-Welsh girl was riding the Northern Line with me tonight err, last night. I'd just come from seeing American Gangster with Mr. S - whom, kudos again for making an ill-advised outing given his current illness (intentional play on words Mr. S) - and I should've figured it'd be an interesting affair getting home for you see the ride started with the two of us standing on opposite sides of the track (Mr. S) when the CCTV folk at the Underground announce in a clear-as-day voice "Would the gentleman who's attempting to urinate on the Eastbound platform (my side) please stop - you're on camera - please go upstairs and use a toilet, that's disgusting, again, the gentleman attempting to urinate on the platform, please go an make your way upstairs..." that alone set the tone!

Fast forward to the train ride - I notice Charlie (only then she was "cute girl with wavy hair n' funky boots") somewhat diagonally from me on the SERIOUSLY, RAM PACKED WAAAAAAY OVERCROWDED train (that of course isn't going in my direction at all, nor will any other train), and then again at the bus stop which awaited the almost final leg of my journey.

Standing and standing and eavesdropping on a couple of Israelis speaking in Hebrew, I sigh in frustration at the seemingly never-ending amount of buses that are either turning left or right, yet none making that straight line towards the stop. Charlie picks up on the sigh, says something to the effect that it'll be here soon - and there you had it - my first sign to chat her up (you're smilin' now huh Levs??).

A lil' small chat about busing, the general routes of the N13 or 82 or 460 buses and yada yada yada - and Charlie's debating making a walk of it - I quickly tell her to stick around, promising to entertain her - introduce myself and find out her name - Charlie - that's kinda hot you gotta admit...anyhoo, there we are 1:15am several drunkards, Israelis, a granny with 2 banged up suitcases and a yid from TO and a semi-Welsh Brit...I "open" with - "I take it you're a local, eh Charlie" - quizically she looks at me - and as she's answering I land a second line of "I could tell by the accent, that's what gave you away"...smiling now, she then asks me (rather carefully I might add) "...and what part of America are you from??" - as I shake my head in utter disgust and disbelief she quickly corrects her error - "Canada, sorry..."

Apologies accepted Charlie. We board the bus. We chit, we chat - and that's when she asks me what I'm doin' out this way - yada yada yada - she's a recruiter in the Architecture world, yet her dream job is to open a Tae Kwan Do studio and in turn, to become a master Tae Kwan Do artist - now that's kick ass (pun intended)!!!

No sooner than I'm about to ask for her digits, the bus pulls up to a stop, she turns "nice chat, good luck in teaching and have a good night" - and with that she's off.

Now, let's back up to about 10 days ago... one random night again, on the tube on the way home from somewhere I'm riding the Northern Line (at least its good for something - and ps should you refer to the Tube map previously posted - its the black line going straight up).

Stop's a little crowded, forced to stand when this girl next to me - very cute, and I do mean very, begins reading the rag-tag newspapers they hand out like Halloween candy out here - when I do the naturally curious over-the-shoulder-reading thing...I spot an "article" and by "article" I mean there's a pic of a topless hottie in the damn paper - and she happens to fling the page (and the paper) up towards me - I quickly (and without thinking) ask her if she's offering me a closer look at the rather cold looking model...she kinda looks at me and was like - oh did you want to read it? Anything in particular? The Weather perhaps??? And she kinda shoves the paper in my face...I politely decline the forecast, and foolishly point out that I was referencing the semi-nude photo in the local paper -tell her how I'm still not used to that and this is where the adventure begins...

She asks me what I do, why I do it and where I'm from etc. I politely oblige in the chit chat and reciprocate...now here's where it gets interesting - I'm noticing that she's got a rather delayed reaction and can't quite look me in the eye - and if you're reading this Amy - I'm so sorry but... anyways, at first I'm thinking "is this girl 'slow'"? maybe she's got some kind of developmental delay...or is she deaf/hard of hearing and trying to read my lips - for she's paying awfully close attention to my mouth - do I have a bit of ketchup on the side of my face???

As I casually wipe my face with my sleeve (and yes, it was very discreet) I realize nope - no ketchup. Then, it happens - no sooner than 30 seconds pass and I'm being asked the same questions again - I'm thinking "is this a weird groundhog day moment??" - and then it hits me - this girl's gotta be hammered...and well, when she started repeating her "story" unprovoked for the 3rd time, and asking me THE EXACT SAME FUCKING QUESTIONS I JUST ANSWERED - TWICE - for the 3rd time - I felt it was safe to say - she was sooooooo hammered.

Oddly (or as some would say, and by some I mean the 4 of you who actually read this thing, PREDICTABLY), I keep on chatting her up.

Turns out the girl's got a sweet job, might be Jewish (she has a friend named Yael - not too many goyim hang out with Yael-type girls, and she kinda looks like a MOT), and well...she was cute. Did I get a number? Nope...but I got loads of information - I even asked her if she'd remember the conversation - to which she classically replied "...If I think about it for a second, then yes, If I don't, then no....(takes a second or two, nods her head) - OK - done, I'll remember".

And with that her stop arrives - she staggers (kind of not really) up from her seat, gives me a sweet little kiss on the cheek goodnight and heads out of the train.

I couldn't take advantage of her state - I just couldn't. I'm not like that...so the question remains, do I do the stalker-thing and look her up - I know where she works, her first name etc...the rest, thanks to Google is easy....

So, that's what its been like on the London Tube yeh...

Done for now.

Peace.

EM

...And On The 4th Week Man Connected To The Internet..

And so it came to pass, that in the wee hours of the 16th of November, 2007, I was once again connected (free of charge, or rather inclusive in the rental costs) to the world wide web...and it was good.

Finally I can sit down at the computer, and not have to pay by the hour, I can rant n' rave of all that is London-esque - sans shekels!!!

London is a lively lil' place that's for sure...4 weeks in now and I'm slooooooooooowly acclimatising to my new surroundings.

Some interesting reports on the culture: They have so much of it, yet I think at times they don't know what to do with it...in my attempts to come across as friendly and good natured, it appears on occasion that its misinterpreted for ignorance and arrogance - they're a bunch of stuffy mofos at times...the concept of smiling at someone in the street or a passing hello or 'scuse me, those my dear Canucks...those are HUGE NO-NO's here...liable to get you a sneer or two.

So when I'm not unintentionally insulting Londoners, I'm checking out their shops, their museums - oh the museums...for starters - THEY'RE FREE...NO CHARGE (sure, donations accepted, and should you wish to see the BIG event, then you gotta cough up a lil' side admission) - but general galleries and exhibits are F R E E (which is good news for budget-minded travelling teachers such as myself).

There are photos aplenty - so be sure to check out my facebook page for some, and I'm working on uploading them to a flickr type page or something of that nature...

More soon,

Done.

Ellie

PASSPORT, PLEASE....THANK YOU, WELCOME TO LONDON!

Welcome To London! Please direct yourself to the map above and try and find your way around town...no, not kidding - its doable...eventually. I've actually gotten better at it yet on occasion, I'll find myself lost - but hey, that's London right?

So the first week has come and gone - all in all a stranger in a strange land - but its been moving along at a fine pace - arrived last Sunday morning, went about town, been doing some extremely mild sightseeing, most of the time's been spent finding accomodation other than on Saul's sofa - kudos by the way, to Mr. Z (and his flatmates - yep, I'm learnin' the lingo here...more on that in a bit) for allowing me to grace the surprisingly comfortable pull-out sofa (in fact its probably the most comfortable one I've ever had this misfortune of sleeping upon - though in this case, were it not for this sofa, I'd probably be broke (which I nearly am) or homeless - so, can't complain too much!).

When I'm not making and re-making the sofa-bed its up and down the tube - if you can navigate the map here's how it works for me lately: I'm presently in Putney Bridge (SW or bottom LH-side of the map off the green line - District Line. I travel to work towards the East or RH-side of the map, off the red line - the Central Line - to Stratford station. In between, I've been house/flat-share hunting - and have found something for now - in Finchley Central - on the Black or Northern line (towards the top in the North of London - the RH-side of the two Upper lines...follow???) - all in all makes for a long commute.

I have managed to see Big Ben, St. Paul's Cathedral, the beautiful ladies of London and of course a few pubs here n' there...there's plenty more to come for certain but alas the task of sorting out my life remains priority number one.

As for work...well...that's going to be a bigger, badder, blog of its own!!!

Cheers Mate,

EM

Word Are Running Out Like Endless Rain Into A Paper Cup...

Inspired. Yes I believe I've become inspired, not only to write this blog more often (thanks to the proverbial kick-to-the-ass my friends gave me tonight), but by other things - namely films.

Now I know I've written some dialogue here n' there for my great masterpiece of theatre - look for it in release in, oh, the year 2018 - but recently I watched Julie Taymor's interpretation and vision of The Beatles' music in her film Across The Universe.

For those of you who don't give a shit, Taymor was the visionary behind The Lion King and some other shit I can't remember right about now - but in any case, this movie is definitely an incredible vision...and here's the crazy part - its a musical - I LIKE A MUSICAL!!!

You can't help but sing along with this one - classic Beatles songs all over the place - and for you Beatlemaniacs out there, some clever dialogue invoking reference to other songs/material by the band.

On a personal note, I particularly enjoyed Bono's brief role in the film as Dr. Robert - very Macphisto-esque performance - a little "camp" but, he's a singer, not an actor!

Either way, its an amazing movie, you have to see it - you'll be glad you did.

As for my film, its a work in progress - not much progress, and come to think of it lately, not much work has gone into it either - perhaps a change of scenery will do me good - what better inspiration than the homeland of the Beatles?

I think I'll bring my guitar too - great, one more item to schlep!!

Blog soon,

Done.
Peace.

EM

Things to do in Toronto when you can't sleep aka #135

4:30am - usually a good time to be sleeping...lately, the sleep sched. is off, waaaay off. I associate this situation with my recent "bumminess" - for in less than 2 weeks, I'm off to London, England.

It's rather exciting, the idea of crossing the pond to the UK, its also becoming increasingly nerve-wracking...I'll survive though, however there does appear to be a faint sense of "he's not gonna make it" syndrome running amongst some of my friends and family - disconcerting, but, it does make me wonder.

Now, I know they're not rooting for me to fail, quite the opposite I know, however it has caused me partially balk at the prospect of leaving - but, knowing that I've purchased a non-refundable airfare ticket, might take the edge off.

I don't think this particular post, which by the way, I've noticed (again) is more than 7 weeks since my last, is going anywhere in particular. I think I'm going to have to edit the way I edit this thing...

Though I do hope that this, along with the recent addiction to facebook and my reemergence on the "uh-oh"'s of MSN, will help me to keep y'all informed n' updated as to my whereabouts n' happenings in London.

There's a party I'm holding in my own honour - funny, you'd think that some of my friends might choose to do that for me - for my impending travels - its this Saturday, at the Supermarket Restaurant/Lounge/Bar in Kensington - apparently near the mental health facility and coop crack house that Alex was so kind to point out for me -if you don't know Alex, you can meet her, and ask her all about it on Saturday.

(Fear mongering, not pretty.)

OK, good to know I can still access this page, and I'm looking forward to better n' more exciting posts of substance (and maybe grace too)....feelin' sleepy...

Done.
Peace.

EM

Baffled, Bewildered and Bollixed

*Warning, Approaching Rant...*

I write this entry (the first in a while, and one of "substance") from my new home, overlooking the mildly busy stretch of Yonge Street that runs through the area formerly home to North York, and currently home to Mel Lastman Square...anyhoo...while I'm enjoying the view - and trust me - I'll be inviting y'all to come and check 'er out soon enough - sitting here alone in the dark (not a lot of lighting currently available to me on the 13th/16th floor) - I can't help but feel a sense of void.

I found out this week upon my return to Toronto that indeed you can't come home again...moved out of my home for 20 years and though this new place is awesome, its not exactly home just yet - plus what's crazier, is that I'm going to be leaving "home" in a matter of weeks to traverse the Atlantic and see what the 'Ol Country's got in store for me...cool.

Why the void then? Well, it seems as though while I'm away some of us did some growing up - and I can't help but feel as though I've missed out on stuff...fantastic news - my boy's gonna be a daddy...that's right, Neil Lipman and his lovely bride Marla are expecting a child (I've gone on record and predicted a lovely lil' girl) - but mum's the word on the baby's sex...

anyhow, so maybe its the weather, maybe its just me but I can't help but feel as though once again I'm caught up in the cycle of the grass being greener on the other side - and no, I really am not trying to complain, b/c I'm aware of the great opportunities that I'm trying to make for myself - but seriously, it seems as though I'm stuck off to the side forced to watch a parade go by and no one really wants to let me participate...fuck this is depressing....

Veni, Vidi, Vegas!

Hey Kids,

I'm back...so a crazy summer away from TO, doing the camp thing, followed up by the Vegas thing...both things...AWESOME.

a temporary note to say I'm here, trying to organize my thoughts, and photos...more to come sooner than you think...

miss y'all...well, most of you anyways...nah, all of you come to think of it.

peace.
done (for now).

em

The Doctor Will See You Now....

Chutzpah. Moxie. Nerve. Balls...

You name it, I've got it - kinda. So what the heck am I talkin' about??

Here's a lil' story of my day today...

Sitting in the doctor's office waiting room, in walks an attractive and I mean ATTRACTIVE (yeah, I know we all have different tastes n' what not but she was WOW...) anyways, this lovely girl sits down...Tall, Leggy Blonde, dressed to kill...

she sits across from me in the waiting room and dives into her magazine...as she's thumbing through it, I can't help but look at her, and I catch myself staring...so I glance quickly up at the Advertising TV with no volume on, and pretend like I don't even notice her (who am I kidding).

So there I am, sitting and waiting and staring and not staring...finally, as I've wrestled with my mind whether or not I should get up and say something...I make my move... I get up, walk over to her, notice some magazines on the chair beside her...

"Excuse me, just need to get to those..." pointing at the magazines, she tucks her leg in and barely lifts her head out of her Elle or Vogue or whatever.... "Which one should I read??" I ask her, holding up a copy of Entertainment Weekly and Flare Magazine (I know which one its gonna be, d'uh....EW, but...this is how things get done - M, pay attention...)

She looks up at me, checks out the literature in question, and remarks "well, not the Flare, I don't think you're gonna want to read that" - to whit, I remark "well, it does discuss the top 10 things you can do when you're....whatever I'm not into the magazine...."

I sit down, and immediately I say: "Listen, I honestly didn't come over here to read a magazine, but I had to come over and say hi and talk to you, b/c I told myself if I didn't, I'd regret it and so here I am, attempting to 'pick you up' in a doctor's office..."

"Aww, that's sweet, thanks" she replies. "I'm Ellie and you are....?" - "______" she says (I'm not mentioning names in case she reads this, who reads this anyways??). "Nice to meet you...so _________, may I ask you, are you single?"

Smiling, very much taken aback I can tell, she says, "Actually...yes, I am". Ditto. Ok, let's keep this going I think....


"So what do you do?" - She answers "Advertising" - she certainly looked the part. "And you, what do you do" she asks... "I'm a teacher actually - freshly minted"..."Oh, what do you teach?" - High School I tell her....

Awkward Silence. "I guess this is the part where we go back to our reading and not really talk huh"....She looks at me, unsure of what to say.... "So do you live around here" - Yes, I do comes her reply, and yourself, she asks?

I do...not far....So how old are you, I ask her?

She answers, 24....I don't believe it, I say "wow, I'd have figured you more for 26" - and then....the nurse moves in on the conversation....

"_____________??", "______________!!" - she calls out our Beauty's name, and with that a quick handshake and a "nice to have met you" your mystery woman disappears with a light chuckle and a casual sauntering off...

I sit there and pat myself on the back...I think my breathing is only starting to catch up to me.... Did I just do that? Did I just randomly chat up a girl in a doctor's office??

As I'm waiting for my patient to come back from their visit, I realize - "man, I should've gotten her number or given her mine...IDIOT!!!"

So...an added dose of adrenalin must've kicked in, b/c next thing I know I'm asking the receptionist if she's willing to help a brother out...

"'Scuse me, there's this GORGEOUS Blonde girl back there, and I'm wondering if you'd be willing to give her a note for me when she comes out...."


"SURE!!" Sandra the Nurse/Receptionist/Hero tells me....

I write out a lil' "cute" note about how I'd like to pick this up where it left off...take a chance etc.... and I lay out my email and cell #.

I give it to Sandra the Nurse/Receptionist/Hero and say "Tall, Gorgeous Blonde, you can't miss her" Please n' Thanks!

The rest.....is in G-d's hands now.


Timing....see the previous post.....At least I got up there, no?

Timing...Or Lack Thereof...

Swiss Movement. Japanse Precision. American Standard. Greenwich Mean. Lunch.

All of the above randomness describes or stands for something that we all come to know and appreciate, and on occasion feel we don't have enough of...TIME.

For me lately, it appears as though I have time. Time to kill, time to spare, time to sleep in, time to eat, time to loiter....what I also seem to have is Shit Timing.

Shit Timing, is a very scientific factoid that people often fail to examine. In my particular situation, my "shit timing" is in reference to the perils of romance and relationships.

Finding myself single in the city, I've climbed back onto the proverbial saddle and am wrestling with the world of dating. Thus far, I've encountered a few sexy souls worthy of my satire, soul and charm (I think) - ok, I was going for the alliteration there - anyhow, I'm putting myself out there, only to discover that I'm not really available.

How's this possible? Allow me to explain...

For a few months I attempted to do the online dating thing, the bar pickups, the friend hookups - some with more success than others. Then, like a bad run at poker, I started getting "cold cards" - the ladies, the well of beauties had dried up - gone. Dismayed, I decided that I need a change of scenery and pace - so I chose to run away this summer to Camp - yes the magical land of hookups and regrets - followed up with a run across the ocean to the UK - London Town! Figured I'd see what adventures await me in Europe (ladies included).

Lo and behold as time creeps closer to my departure, it seems as though the ladies are just jumping out at me (not on me as one might like, but...they're around) - and of course once things start to develop chemically (in a "romantic" sense people...), there comes the inevitable..."so what are you doing this summer?" - to which my reply is..."oohh, heading out of town as of the 22nd...." and....it ends abruptly.

This is annoying. This is really annoying. Why, why is it that when I decide and decree no more, there comes more?!?

Is it as one friend suggested, the notion or idea that I'm "unavailable" that makes me "available" or attractive (more so than usual)??

All's I know is, camp better be awesome....and hopefully the notion/thought/movie-inspired idea of Serendipity has something to be said for itself...

Go figure...gotta run!

Ran out of time....for now.


Done.
Peace.


EM

Yes, that's me and yes, that's Jack Layton. Yes, that's a beer in his hand (and a ONE bracelet on his wrist). Yes, I'm 28 officially in that photo. Yes, I'm a semi-Conservative/semi-Liberal/fence-sitting Canadian/pro-Zionist/pro-Israel Canadian, and NO I'm not a member (nor applying for membership) of the NDP Party. It's Saturday night, and for whatever reason, the Divine power(s) that be determined that I was to have a party at Grace O'Malley's (Yes, ugh, its a Sens Bar) and that Mr. Jack was to be there...partying it up.

Now, I will say this much, despite politics and party lines, Jack's a fun guy. You wouldn't catch Stephen (Steeeeve, as Dubyah'd say) Harper or Stephane Dion or Paul Martin at a pub - maybe Duceppe, but it'd have to be a Quebec barre...anyhow, there was Jack at the bar - yes, he was in a suit, but in his defense, he is a Party Leader...maybe he could've loosened the tie a tad, or dropped the jacket, but...it was funny.

I want to thank all of you deviants who showed up at the soiree and tried to get me to puke (success....) and well, here's the thing about that...

I've drunk far more liquor and beer in my lifetime than on Saturday night, and NEVER yaked...so what gives? I suspect it was the post-operative warning of lasik surgery...do not consume alcohol for the first 4 days, which explains a lot...or maybe it was the pizza and nachos pre-drink? Though tasty, they were consumed in a haste...or might it be Marty the Mixer...Mart-o's been known to be rather Liberal/liberal (politic pun) in his drinking ratios... in any event, I did, mildly regurgitate and after a quick chasing of ginger ale and some H2O, its all good...I got back onto the horse and did a few more Tequila shots...and Bob's yer uncle...

Twas fun...Twas good...Twas what it should

Cheers to all...

Less than 2 weeks til' the Summer begins for me...I'll try and post some stuff b/w now and the 22nd...

Done.
Peace.

EM

Turn to Chapter 2...

Now that Chapter 1 is complete, I feel compelled to tell you that I'm officially a teacher (unofficially).

So end the days of me in the classroom...Long live the days of me in the classroom!

Thanks to all those who supported me, doubted me, shouted at me, shouted with me, laughed, cried, lied, tried...with me.

I am your hero! Err...wait...well, something like that.

I am now going to B.Ed...hahahah ok, shite joke...

Seriously, I'm happy to be done, and happy to have done it.

Thank you. All of you...and then some!

PEACE
DONE (In more ways than one, and yet I too am beginning),

EM

Influence is a funny thing
Some people have it
Others want it
Some are easily swayed by it,
Blinded by its false promises and sheer bravado
Then there are those who peddle it
Those who relish it
Those who trash it
I have some influence
I can barter it for things which are attainable
Surely you'd like that, Surely
I would...Ask Him He might tell you
He's an influential guy

Influence is an almost funny thing
Though they weren't laughing at the time
He was a bad influence
I guess he didn't learn how to perfect it
I did...At least I thought I did
Ask Him...He doesn't know a thing he says
Its just memorized from the back of the box
They always have all the answers...
That's what makes them such a Great influence...

I could go on, and I might or I might....

10 Years For Doin' Coke...Coca-Cola that is...

So, this is just some fucked up shit...and further proof of just how messed up this world can be - especially us here in N.America (yeah, that meant the USA)...

http://www.cnn.com/2007/LAW/05/23/coca.cola.sentencing/index.html

Read the link - but in short, two employees got roughly 10 years in prison for attempting to sell Coca-Cola trade secrets to their rivals at Pepsi.

A whole FBI sting operation was used and everything...

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE JUSTICE SYSTEM IN THE USA?????

2 douchebags wanna pounce on one of Capitalism's most recognized and celebrated companies, while makin' a few shekels (ok, more like 1.5 million) on the side...so let 'em!!

Meanwhile we have Osama on the run, War in Afghanistan/Iraq, a destabilizing Middle-East, oh and lest we forget the crooks of Enron and their like, then the juicy part - rapists, murderers, drug dealers and drunk drivers getting off with slaps on the wrist, pedophiles getting to move into newly developed areas with throngs of kids...school shootings and increasing youth violence, and if that's not enough...add global warming and all the environmental shit into the mix (if you buy into that stuff)...oh, and then there's the problems we have dealing with natural disasters (Katrina...need I say more???)...

and what are George's boys busy with?? Protecting fuckin' Coca-Cola!!!! G-d forbid the syrupy-crack-like drink gets its secrets traded for cash to Pepsi...fuck Pepsi, fuck Coke...drink water...save the earth and save our fuckin' money!!!!!

FBI....seriously??? these douches can't even find a sharpened pencil or 19 terrorists plotting to blow up buildings...but Coca-Cola's at risk...quick get all available units...

Let those two Capitalists, trying to live out the American Dream - fuckin' over the competition and/or your hated boss....steppin' on anyone/anyplace/anytime/anyhow.... - let them free!!!

Get U2 on the phone...human rights case has just been noted...

Dumb fucks!

Arrrghhhh.......


Done (for now),

PEACE.

EM

...And Now For Something Completely...Ahhh Fuggedaboudit...

I've been reading some poetry lately (that's right, poetry) and man...Leonard Cohen is a master.

Here's the thing....I don't get it. This troubles me because, well, because I WANT to get it. Some of it I do get, some poems "touch me" while others it seems, pass me by like Calculus.

I'd like to think that I'm semi-intelligent, sentient being, and moreover, I'm a fan of music, film, art (to an extent) - y'know?? I like what I like, I get what I get, I understand and feel....I'm passionate, I'm fairly open-minded, I'm adventurous (and continuously growing more and more adventurous), yet for some reason the poetry bug escapes me...

I had a conversation with my Dad about this - he's a great man my Da' - he's awesome, I love him - anyhow, I was with him at the local book shoppe (read: Chapters/Indigo) and I told him I didn't get this particular poem - and he immediately broke it down - and I was like "How'd you get that?" "How'd you know??" - and he answered me... I don't know.

I don't know.

This wasn't to say that he had no idea, rather as he explained - it just came to him. What's ironic (cool) about it was that it made sense, what he said made perfect absolute sense...and instead of feeling good or better about it all, I just felt...less than.

Now, my Dad doesn't make me feel less than anything, and I'm not angry in the slightest at him, nor am I really angry, but...I couldn't help but feel that I'm losing out here...

Anyways, just a mini-rant-ish type post....

Here's the Poem in Question:

I believe that you
Are Standing in the place
That I am supposed to be standing



I get it now. But back then...

TO...RON...T....OOOOOOO....TFC!!!

The Pitch, my dear friends, can be a bitch!

Well its been almost a month since the Toronto FC has graced the MLS and though their play is SLOWLY starting to come around, their fans have taken up their positions at full speed!

I've now been to two of their first three matches, and WOW...WOW....WOW how exciting!

I'm definitely gonna see how its done right, propah, when in the UK but I'm so proud of our boys in red n' white!

What's better...I've managed to recoup my expenses by way of selling the hotly anticipated match between the FC and the LA Galaxy - David Beckham's first appearance in the MLS. Some fool shelled out a Zimbabwean's decade-long salary to see the Mr. Posh Spice BEND IT....

What's more, I now am in need of selling off a few more duckets so that I can pay off some debts, and sadly I won't be in town for much longer...so get 'em whilst you can!!

ALL FOR ONE!

Done.
Peace.

EM

Shout Out!

Yo Yo Yo...what up homies?!?

A quick word to yo' moms... Happy Mother's Day - yeah, its 1:25am on Monday and so technically its over...but, its the thought that counts.

It was a fine Sunday for me...happened to be mother's day AND my mom's birthday...double whammy - every year...so, sis and I go n' get moms a new b-day present - a cell phone, as she indicated she was in the market for a new one...5 hours of humming and hawing...we pick up the phone, run back home (yeah, last minute, tisk tisk I know) and lo and behold mom's all "I never said I wanted a new phone, guys...why'd you buy me one?? Thanks but....I think you guys should return it".... ever have that happen to you??

Moms...not just laundry-doers...they're also flip-floppers and mind-changers...hmmm, maybe that's just women in general.

no worries, me still loves me mum...

k, off to bed n' stuff...

more bloggage (whether you want it or not) to come...

peace,

done.

EM

Stay in Skewl

Y'know who's got a wicked job?? Donald F-ing Trump! That's who!!

So this schmo from the Bronx gets into daddy's real estate biz and has now got his mug plastered on everything, everywhere, all the time...and I don't mind. Y'know why?? Probably because that bastard's got one of the hottest women in the world as his most current wife and is just plain aggressive - a style that only few people in the world can come by (and get away with).

So why all this talk about the man they call The Donald? Well...it turns out that I was watching a bit 'o the telly last evening - and of course on comes The Apprentice - here's what kills me - for all his wealth and excessive living, The Donald still comes off as an uneasy prick on tv - add to the fact that he's so full of himself and well, c'mon, now you've got some great made-for-tv-reality-based-programming!!

For those of you who don't care (b/c those of you who do care already know this), The Donarino as I'm gonna start....and stop calling him, picked Stefani as his newest apprentice. This chick's silent, flies under the radar and quite frankly looks like she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch...and I think, nay, I KNOW that's why he picked her to "be under his wing"... yeah, she'll be under him alright, but it ain't gonna be his "wing" - unless that's what he's calling it these days...

So what's she gonna build for Daddy Warbucks?? A frickin' Dominican Republic-based Hotel/Private Condominium and Casino/Golf Course - not bad...only its in the freakin' D.R.!!!! Anyone been there lately?? Aside from the lush All-Inclusive resorts, the nation that Haiti likes to call its little "Biatch" is deprived of all basic necessities and well...hey, i'm not the apprentice, so its not my problem.

Y'know what I realized?? I'm blogging about a tv show that quite frankly - is dumb. I should instead focus my energies on say - The Amazing Race - that's a show that will quickly kill relationships...ohh, speaking of that one, yesterday they had to jump off a building 600ft in the air - I'm telling you right now, if you're my partner on the show, and its my mandatory turn to complete this freakin' roadblock - we're losing...ain't no way my arse is jumping off a building...I'll eat worms, I'll pierce select body parts (nothing below the neck), all in the name of $1,000,000.00 - but ain't no way I'm jumping off a building...

K gotta wrap this up...got more tv to watch... Jack Bauer's gotta do some crazy shit tonight...gotta start hating that annoying beeping time ticking clock noise thingamagiggy that they use in that show... The Following Takes Place in ... ahhh who gives a shit...kill somebody, sleep with somebody and do all this Lone Ranger crap - all without stopping to eat and/or go to the bathroom...that's something I'd like to see...Jack Bauer gets outta the shitter or better yet, gets a call from the President while dropping a deuce..."Sir, um...can I call you back in a minute please, I'm just in the middle of something..." - now that's TV you can watch - and relate to - that's.... REALITY TV!!


Done.

Peace.

EM

Dear Lord Baby Jesus...

So...Blog, yeah...been a while. You miss me? I missed you too baby...I know, I know...shhhh its alright, daddy's here...what?? No... I NEVER said that...I totally love you Blog, there's no one else...just you...I swear...hey...c'mon, don't do that...no Blog...don't cry, please...stop it.

Oh, hey all sorry you had to witness that - it seems as though my Blog has missed me lately, and well, its kinda upset. I suppose you're upset too - or rather, maybe you've just been so caught up in your own little life you're no longer checkin' me out online.

I don't blame you. I've neglected you - and my Blog.

Well, I have good reason - it appears as though Teacher's College is far more work than some people made it out to be. Good news though, I'm in my final week of in-class sessions, then its the the Mighty Month of May - INTERNSHIP - I'll be out at school in York Region filling the minds of our youth with wonderful facts on History. I'll also be hunting for jobs n' stuff...

Soon, before you know it - Graduation - yep, our lil' boy's all growed up!!!

I think I'm in a state of insanity right now - mixed with mild feelings of panic and rage. All normal.

So what have we missed since I've last blogged...

Leafs are out of the Playoffs - but we all knew that deep down inside our jockstraps that this was inevitable - kudos to the coach n' team for having the heart to dig deep and keep us in suspense - one minute we're in - the next we're out - kinda like sex...but I digress....

Raptors, however, are IN the playoffs - only thing is that no one really gives a shit about basketball in this one-puck town...but good luck to them nonetheless - I think there's still some room on the bandwagon if anyone wants me to shove aside some bum room.

Jays - playin' ball, leading the East, doin' they're thang...ahhh call me when its October...

Argos - too easy.

FC - ahhh, a new sports team, a futball club, hopefully we'll see some goooooooooaaaaaallllllllllllssss scored this year - and yes, I have Season Tickets - I look forward to a vunderful season vit lots ov victories....how Evropean ov me...

FACEBOOK - evil incarnate, addiction prediliction, the internet has been taken over by a 22-year old Harvard drop-out's idea of a "good time". I've been spending a lot of time on it, and to be honest, I like it.... I like to picture my Facebook with long flowing images of the Dear Lord Baby Jesus...wearing a tuxedo t-shirt that says, I'm formal, but I like to party...cuz, I like to party n' I like my Jesus to partay... ohhhh damn you Ricky Bobby...damn you Facebook - they should make a group dedicated to the Ricky Bobby fanatics...oh wait, what's that you say? A Ricky Bobby Fan Club exists already??? Why I do declare....

Camp - I'm going to be in NY this summer, doin' the o'ernight camp thing...finally after years of pleading the boys have gotten me to pop that particular cherry (gross i know) - so its off to Silver Lake - I look forward to it... P.S. If I come back talkin' like some bass-ackwards Yank hick...SHOOT ME. Its not an aaaaple!!!!

Wow...looks like the typing diarrhea's almost done for the night...

What's that Blog?? Awww....you mean it?? Of course I still love you...oohh Blog...be careful now, people are reading this....

You are still reading this right??

Acunamatata Bitches!! (Watch Ricky Bobby)

Viva Las Vegas!

Vegas, Baby, Vegas!

Oh the joys of the sounds of the slots, the feel of the felt, the charm of the chips, the hotness of the hotties...these are but a few sights n' sounds of Vegas...home to the magical, mystical, musical, monumental, City of Blinding Lights - all smack-dab in the desert wilderness of Nevada!

God Bless You Bugsy Segal...God Bless You.

As you can no doubt surmise, I'm heading to the Fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada area for some R n' G - that's Rest n' Gamblin'...but I'll be sure to keep it low-profile for y'all...

Steve Wynn - I'm coming for you!

Peace Out!!

C'mon.....7!!!!!


Done.
EM

Sanka...Ya Dead Man??

so people are reading this thing which is nice to know...today I had two requests for more blog...to let you know, I feel your pain people...I too want more blog...alas, I'm a tad tied down with schoolwork at the moment...and it'd be careless of me to avoid my educational duties and in lieu of that, compose often funny, ingenius, on occasion trivial rants and posts for your viewing and reading pleasure.

i promise i haven't abandoned this blog, nor you my friends and reader(s).


k...

done.
peace.

em.

A splendid time is guaranteed for all...

Ok...so...let's recap. Martin Levy turned 28. He had a party. I went. There was a camera...and girls...and girls in bikinis...and alcoholic beverages...and good friends...and girls...in bikinis... IN JANUARY.

If a picture is indeed worth a 1000 words...then holy crap I've got enough for a Doctoral Thesis!!

Enjoy the photos.

Marty - thanks for a great night - much needed, sorely appreciated...and to the ladies...both in and not in bikinis...THANK YOU TOO!!!

Cheers,

Peace.

Done.

EM

Are you being duplicitous?

Liar, Liar...pants on fire....

Surely you remember that lil' bit of teasing when you were a child, who knows, perhaps you too were guilty of singing that song off key while laughing and pointing at the lil' bugger in their OshKoshB'Gosh overalls (oh man - those bring back memories...)!

So here's what gets me (as of late) - alternate MSN accounts!

What, pray tell am I speaking of, you ask?? Well, I think this applies more for the ladies than it does to the men but check this out:

As we enter the 21st century, it is clear that dating and all its "rules" and "guidelines" from centuries past are being altered, if not forgotten by the wayside, more and more each day it seems; now this isn't always a bad thing, I for one think we're doing much better than the days of Ogg- The Caveman (I hope those Neanderthal dudes from the life insurance company don't come a knockin'!!), beat his love interest over the head with a half-living animal and dragged her by the hair into his cave for some "casual conversation" (wink, wink). Arranged marriages and/or blind dates are still in the fashion for some cultures, picking up at bars/clubs/grinding up against a lovely lass with her maiden friends is still the rage for some (not me), and of course how can we leave out computer dating?

Now, I don't quite know what to make of computer dating - I've done it (successfully?) and well, I guess some people are still insecure about the technology (which is logical, after all I am a rich 29-year old doctor from California, driving a Benz SLK and making over $250K per annum, oh, and I adopt little Malawian children and send them photos of my mansion - telling them one day, one fine day, they too can have one of their own...oh Madonna!!). So where's this going??? Patience...here's what gets me...

Seems as though the in-thing to do with regard to this phenomena (whether you're a JDater - c'mon we all are, aren't we? aren't we?!?, Lavalife or whatever...) especially as far as women are concerned - is to create an alternate hotmail or email account along with perhaps an alternate instant chat service account too (e.g. MSN).

So, I've met a girl or two online in my time, and wouldn't ya know it - we hit things off...great. Hey, she says, Let's chat on MSN - here's my account - spankmehard@hotmail.... or bunniesaresocutedontchathink@gmail.... WHATEVER... the point is, as a guy, I say Ok!! So in exchange I give them my legitimate and sole account for same purposes...only to find out after a while (especially if its a hit...) Oh, by the way, why don't you add me to this account - msmith@__________ - its my REAL account, I don't really use the other one...

WHAT?!? Here's my question...women, in general don't appreciate being lied to, correct ladies? So you go online and you say that you're "medium/average" height (translation - you're barely 5"1 WITH heels) and that you're "average" weight - so you've got a couple extra lbs. - who doesn't?? and that you're an "open-minded" girl - translation - its YOUR WAY OR THE HIGHWAY!

OK, OK, I can deal with that - afterall I'm no doctor...but you go online in hopes of finding that "true someone" (at least 99% of you) that you want to spend your life with and the first thing you do (granted I understand all about "stalkers" etc) - you give us a fake email.

IN OTHER WORDS.... YOU LIE TO US!! Now, I ask you, how's that supposed to make me feel? Now, I swear this isn't addressed to anyone in particular, however if you're feeling a tad hot under the collar - that's b/c you're guilty of manipulation, duplicitous behaviour and, well...you're a woman.

I guess us good guys can't ever really get a fair shake, huh? I just find it somewhat interesting (read - frustrating) that more and more of you ladies are doing it - and what gets me the most, is that if a guy were to pull this one off, you'd drop him in a second - Oh he's a lying, cheating bastard - he probably doesn't even call his mother or he for sure kicks homeless people in the street when they're sleeping....

I for one, dear ladies, love you all. You are a phenomenal species, a true mystery of the world - I'm a flirt...have been, always will be - but c'mon....let's cut the bullshit and games huh? You want a MAN in your life - THEN BE A WOMAN!! Own up to the fact that you too have come to the realization that you're going to meet Mr. Right online - and give up the real address...this shit isn't any better than the fake phone number scheme (its always a Cab company or Nail Salon you don't go to anymore!!) - time to grow up ladies...Mr. RightForYou* is waiting....










*Disclaimer - Mr. RightForYou, doesn't necessarily mean I'm talking about myself, but y'know I know a few dudes in this precarious position themselves...so its more of a generalization than a shady allusion to myself.




P.S. - if you wanna chat with me - here's my MSN - onerichmofo@hotmail.com!!


DONE.
PEACE.

EM

Bring on Beckham!!

C'mon ride the train...

There's been a lot on my mind lately, and I'm still sorting out the right words to express some or all of what I want to say. I realize that my blogging has been sporadic at best, and well, I guess that's what its got to be for now. Granted I'm not nearly as prolific a writer as some of my fellow bloggers, nor am I that bad either that I can't even put up a decent post every once and then, right??

Any event, before I completely lose you on this one, I have to tell a story. Those of you who know me, know that I like to tell stories - Ellie's always got a story - more often than not its a long, winded version that could've easily been summed up in eight words or less...but what's the fun in that?

A story needs to be told, with expression, passion, devotion, imagination, details, an occasional elaboration of truth (read as a "stretching" of details) and lest we forget - a smile.

Here's my story, as brief as it is, and irrelevant as to the aforementioned details above...

This past Monday around 5:30 I find myself on the crowded, cramped, exhausting ride on the TTC subway heading up north to the Hill... Having had to stand a fair bit of the way (I'm going to hate being kept in class until precisely 5pm Mondays) - I finally get to sit down at the York Mills station (coming up from Bloor). I grab a seat next to a lovely, snoring, somewhat smelly lady and out of nowhere, a rather attractive brunette, well tailored etc sits down in front of me. As I gaze at her profile, I find myself thinking "hey, this girl's really cute....I wonder if she's Jewish..I think she is...hmm, got the 'nose' down..but, that could be just a Semitic trait (read "Arabic")...." - y'know how I am about the Jewish ladies...

Anyhoo, yeah that's right I said anyhoo (twice), I'm sitting there and I notice she's picking at her fingers, ripping the skin around the nail-area - granted this is a disgusting and "improper" set of behaviour for a woman (or man), but as a fellow nail-biter/ripper, I couldn't help but laugh (inside). I'm sitting there watching her have a good go at it - and I glanced down at my relatively deformed digits, thinking that at least she won't find my hands "nasty" per se.

Then, out of nowhere, I hear my mother's voice in my head "stop ripping!!!" - my heart began racing a bit faster (I think it's b/c of the gathering nerve of actually talking to a stranger on the TTC)...and before I know it my mouth has decided that its time for some "conversation"...I'm actually going to attempt to pick this chick up (ya, I said chick)!!

So what clever bit of conversation do I start with?? "That's a bad habit" I say to this startled cutie (and if you're reading this _______ I'm leaving your name out of it :O) ) - she nervously and rather shockingly stops her picking and hides her hands by her side...I smile at her and say "that's ok, I do it too..." and show her my masochistic artwork...

She smiles and says "I think I've got you covered though" - we begin talking, two complete strangers, kind of like in the movies, only in the back of my mind a few pressing questions need to be answered...and here we are at North York stop with only one to go...Quick, get a name...Check! Dude, is she Jewish...drop the subtle language hints (schmuck, oy, schlep..etc...) try "Jewish Geography" - how the hell did we end up talking about other Yids in the City??

And, then...the sad reality sets in...the dreaded words a guy doesn't particularly want to hear when he's "picking up"..... MY BOYFRIEND... shit - game over!! OK, don't show her your disappointment...keep talkin' "hmm yeah, that's nice, uhuh...yep, yep..." the words are just skimming by my ears, in one, out the other...how long is it 'til I get to the car... wait, we're walking in the same direction - ok keep it going, maybe they're on the verge of breaking up???

Nope...no breaking up...nice job though back there, flattering her (accidental as it was) with the guessing of the age (she really did look 24 - who knew she's 29...) oh well...it was for naught.

Ne'er fear though at least you talked to her, right? Right! No phone number or anything like that, a smile here and a smile there...a genuine handshake goodbye and...well, that was Monday.

I guess that's a step though, right?

Anyways, that's the "story" - more for my amusement than yours...all I can say is that once in a while riding the TTC can indeed be the "better way".

PEACE
Done.

EM

So True (except maybe the Barbara Streisand part)!

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xq1e2_christmas-time-for-the-jews