This one's for me...

An indulgence if you please, but I feel like I need to write this one down...it's not really entertaining, nor will it be a rant - no, this is purely from within (where exactly, I'm still struggling to figure out, though perhaps struggle isn't the appropriate word).

Tonight, or rather last night I suppose - my housemate/landlord invited her family and friends over for a Shabbat dinner. I too was invited (kinda hard not to when you live there huh??), and well to be honest it was one of the best moments in my life....let me explain.

I'm not religious, I don't keep kosher, my family never really kept Shabbat - now, I've had moments of enlightenment if you will, throughout my various experiences with the Jewish community - Shabbat in Jerusalem, Shabbat in Montreal, Shabbat in Poland and now Shabbat in London. As you can see, and as I just realized - these moments of (and I know it sounds crap for some) fulfillment or at least inner peace - they've centred around Shabbat.

I've gained some insights during the last few years - I'd argue the last 8 - about life and love and everything in between - I've been a stressed out individual, always feeling as though I'm stuck in a rut - I don't like feeling this way, and I have to tell you that being in London has been stressful - alone, in a foreign land with no family or friends or connections - and yet tonight in an instant, with the saying of the motze, the prayer over the bread and with a kiddish over the wine, followed with a brief singing of Shalom Aleichem - as I found myself at one point leading the choir as it were - I haven't done that in a long time - I kept thinking of my family back home, my friends and myself - and I swear it true - with my eyes watering at the thought of you all, I managed to smile - briefly - because I was at home - yet....not.

Now, I don't want it to sound like one of those cliche moments, where a lost man (I'm not sure I'm even lost, but let's say I'm directionally challenged at times) has found not only his way, but his way to G-d, Allah, Buddah - whomever - but it just felt so warm and true and right.

I'm thinking about this as I'm writing - and I realize its a bit tricky to follow my thought process at times - but I'm writing from the heart and all these thoughts are rushing from my mind to my keyboard - I can't seem to type fast enough or with enough emphasis and passion - but of all the things I've seen and done so far in London- to have had a Shabbat experience surrounded by strangers who welcomed me into their land, their neighbourhood, their home and their family - from all the museums, galleries, sights and sounds, the thought and memory of our singing and laughing and kibbutzing (oy I'm an alte kaker writing this aren't I??), that just goes right at the top of the list!

I honestly say, and hope to fulfill this promise I'm about to make - but when I come home to Toronto, though I don't expect it to be a regular thing (not that there's anything wrong with that), I'm looking forward to a nice Shabbat meal - and you're invited!

Shabbat Shalom!

Peace.

Done.

EM