I take it back. If I wrote something nasty, crude, rude, hilarious (ok, maybe not the hilarious ones), shameful, spiteful, righteous (nope, not those either on second thought), hurtful (hmm, ok fine, I'll let that one stay) etc... I .... AM .... S-O-R-R-Y. Wow. I did it. I liberated my soul of the perils of late-nite purgatory via email. This dreadful invention (damn you Al Gore and your silly little INTERNET idea), has led to the dissolution of man kind's BALLS.
Feeling pissed at someone for stealing your stapler - burn down their office! Someone parked in your space - key their Bimmer till it bleeds Metallic Anthracite Red (who picks these fucking colours??)...better yet...write an email! Ya, that's it... you caught your ex cyber-fucking the 48-year-old Ethopian-Mongolian-Italian-Lithuanian cross-bread online - email 'em!! Unhappy that your local sports celebrity ditched their meet n' greet a little early so that they can go home and knock one off (um, no, I don't know what you're talkin' about Darryl...) write 'em an email!
Here's the best part -we as Canadians, will simply oblige. We'll take it in the arse..we'll do whatever causes the path of least resistance...I'm ranting now. I've lost the point. Some of this shit made me laugh, so I wrote it down. Fuck. Lost the point.
Oh ya..got it now. Email. I hate it? I mean we all love getting emails - those of us that don't, often feel left out... "Hey Steve, did ya get that FWD that Bill sent - you know, the one with the woman who gets double-teamed by a cat and a horse?" - What's the matter mate, didn't get CC'd on that one? What's even worse - it got sent to your work address??? ooohhhh that's no good.
Or is it?
Honestly, stop censoring yourselves people. Honestly, why is it that something you would normally shit your pants out of laughter, or go running for the puke-bin at home - is perfectly normal - but at work...tisk tisk.
"Kindly do not send such items of immaturity and vulgarity to my place of business, as there are those in the 'working world' who do not appreciate such inconsiderate and quite frankly, demeaning and demorlizing material. I could get fired for this you know..."
They always like to point out that they're in the 'working world' - I work. fuck you too! All of a sudden, Johnny's sporting a suit (first one he's ever bought other than that time he was 3 and went to the wedding as cute ring boy...) and he's Mr.I'm-too-good-for-this-type-of-shit-at-work. Boo! Boo on you! That's right - I said Boo! Why you ask? Why boo?? I'll tell ya...b/c you're the same sick fuck that showed me that shit back in high-school. You're the lame-dick assbrain (ya that's a word now) who took extra time out of his day to find riddiculous stuff on the internet and show it around, only now that you're "important" or have "respect" you're scared shitless. You're worried that people are going to find out who you are... a nothing.
Now, I am seriously 10000000000% percent not talking about anyone I know. I'm just saying, you see this shit in life and its annoying. Since when do people give into the concept of censorship so easily? Since when are we, as Canadians, such pussies (oh wait, see past emails on this subject...).
Bottom line is we're soft. We're too worried about what the suits will think. They don't think. That's why they're in suits. You think. Or at least you used to... don't like this little rant...
EMAIL ME AND TELL ME TO MY KEYBOARD! Tough guy!
Done.
EM
PS - looks like I'm not quite done - but...there was a point to this post. I'm sure I'll come back and revisit this subject matter at a time and place of my convenience. Some of it stopped making sense a long time ago man, when it was all about the music...you've changed bro...you've sold out. Whoa. Excellent.
Meh. Whatever...
Done (again).
EM
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